March 2006

Dark Glass

            I had been feeling down and a bit disheartened — beating up on myself for not being perfect, not very good and having bad thoughts and feelings.  Nothing major, just the routine of life.  Life can be complex and difficult.  There are always misunderstandings, some people who see you as not such a good person, personal imperfections and failures — you know the routine.  You’ve probably been there yourself, unless you live in a cave — and even then you can’t escape yourself. 

            I was just experiencing the blahs for a couple of days.  I was laying in bed in those moments between sleep and wakefulness.  My eyes were closed and I was somehow aware that I was staring into black darkness.  I was staring into the dark and my mind was blank when I noticed some movement.  A hole began to appear in the darkness before me.  It was as if a huge sheet of glass was before me, covered with black soot so that I could not see past it, but someone was on the other side.  They had begun to wipe the glass in a small circle that grew bigger.  I became aware that the person in my dream was Jesus.  He was wiping away at the darkness, and in a playful manner was peeking through the glass and smiling at me.  This was not the somber Jesus of some pictures, or the overly kind and tender Jesus in others.  It was a strong but playful Jesus who was teasing me into getting over my little tryst with self-pity.  He wanted to reassure me of his love for me in spite of my failure and weakness.  He wanted me to know that I was okay and that life was going to be okay.  He wanted me to have peace and be happy. 

            I woke up with a sense of calm assurance — not self-confidence, but a calm assurance about life and about God’s love for me. 

            I thought it might help if I shared that with you because he may be wanting to coax you out of your feelings of being overwhelmed and defeated by life.  Like me, perhaps you have been indulging in some self-pity (Why can’t life be easy, and why is it so hard for people to understand each other and get along?) 

            If only we knew how much God loves us.  If only we could trust him with all the details of life and trust him with the future.  See him rubbing the dark soot off the glass, smiling and playfully coaxing you out of where you are to where he wants you to be — living in the light of his exciting love and joy.  As he cleaned the glass before me, I heard these words: “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known” (1 Corinthians 13:12, KJV). 

Joyfully looking on the other side,

Rod