August 2005

Single

As an individual whose status is “single” and also running a single’s fellowship, I have often had a certain interest on the topic of “relationships” – whether they are of families, friendships, siblings, romantic encounters, church fellowships, or marriages, etc.   I find true enjoyment when my single girlfriends are paired up with good committed single Christian men, and vise-versa.  I observe their journey from the beginning to the end - from their first attraction, to their first date, to their courtship, then to their marriage (including baby & bridal showers, children, buying a new home, etc.).  The process is fascinating.

A few months ago, I was flipping through a Christian book catalogue and came across a book called Stop Dating the Church by Joshua Harris (who is also the author of a couple of young-adult dating books called I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl).  I was intrigued by how the author compared “casual dating” to people’s relationships with the church.

It concerns me greatly to see some men and women in this society who date just for the sake of dating so they won’t feel lonely or alone.  One-night stands, cheating hearts, one-foot-in and one-foot-out the door, living together out of wedlock – these relationships are what people chase after in this culture nowadays.  These kinds of relationships allow an individual the freedom not to feel tied down and at the same time find every possible pleasure they can get out of it.  People like this have no intention of long-term commitment; they want to have access to someone without the commitment and the work.  This kind of relationship is purely one-way and of selfish motives – take what I can get without the commitment part or having to contribute to it – their hearts are not in it.

Harris makes a parallel of casual dating to many professing, church-going Christians today.  Statistics say 80% of the work and ministry are done by 20% of its church members.  Where are the other 80% of the church members?  What are they doing or not doing?  Are they just “dating” the church?  People who date the church become members on paper, come to church once-a-week, put in a few dollars in the plate, receive a hardy sermon and listen to some nice music and leave.  Those who are dating the church do not want to spend their energy and time on true ministry work; but ironically, they feel like they have every right to complain about the church.  They want to belong but have no participation.

A relationship is hard work.  I make sure I call my folks and brother weekly.  I make sure I spend time with my friends.  Ministry is hard work.  My teams and I make sure we make it to every rehearsal.  The choir makes certain that their music is learned and prepared.  The staff makes sure we keep each other spiritually accountable.  Every relationship takes intentional effort and a giving and passionate heart behind it.  Are you in love with your God and your church?  If so, are you showing that love?  If not, is it your turn to give to the church?  Will you stop dating the church? 

My two cents,

Joanna Chu